addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
