that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
