So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
