i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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