Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
