Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
