I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
