i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
