If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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