you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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