And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize