Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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