1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
