i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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