listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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