Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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