Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
