Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
