Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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