Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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