You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
