Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
