Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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