no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
