I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
