I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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