The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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