so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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