Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
