I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
