I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
