'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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