Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
