Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
