Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
