can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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