I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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