wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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