I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
