i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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