i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
