He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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