dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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