Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
