You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
