i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
