I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
