every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
