i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
