Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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