What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
