my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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