oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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