Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
