he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
