i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
