my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
