One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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