Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sext me about skeletons
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
