Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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