Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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