Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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