I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
