mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
