Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
