did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
