Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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