i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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