i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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