so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
