she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
