My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
