Me. At least after what I've been through.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
