While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
