Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
