did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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