a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
