I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
