Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
