I'm gonna have a badass scar
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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