Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
