the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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